A Year Ago Today My Wife Passed Away!

A year ago today my wife passed away, so no rpg posts today. Instead here is what I posted at Facebook.

Today is has been a year since God took Janet to be with Him. It was an end to her suffering and the beginning of eternity with Him. No more pain and struggles, the assurance that God will wipe away every tear from her eye and the gift of eternal life. For Janet I can only be happy for her and grateful for the time that she was part of my life on a daily basis in person. For me it has also been a very lonely time without her, everyday I am reminded of her and miss her deeply.

There are things everyday that I want to share with her, things she would have enjoyed or laughed at. I really miss her laugh, her smile, her good humor. Opportunities to serve that I know she would have been first in line to sign up for. All the new babies among both family and friends that she would have been excited for each couple and their blessings, though sad because she(we) could not have our own. Though she(we) made peace with that.

We were married a little less than 23 years and we knew each other a little less than 26 years. I got a LD call that said (short version) I know someone you should meet, if I give you her number, will you ask her out? I said sure, "Here's her name and number." click. I talked to her on 3/7/93 and on 3/24/93 we went on our first date, 3 years less one day later we were married. Knowing everything I do now, I would still have made that call. And yes, blind dates can be a beautiful thing.

Toward the end when I was lifting her up and down a lot each day Janet worried that she was a burden, I told her that if things were reversed she would be there every step of the way and she was "of course", I told her it is not a burden to care for someone you love and even better who loves you. When I was ill, when I had cancer she was always there, when I had my kidney stones and could not move or think, she was there. I was only trying my best to do what she had done.

Our 20th Anniversary Alaska trip was such a blessing and we were so glad we did not wait, because seven months later she was very sick. Don't put things off saying we have tomorrow, we are not promised tomorrow. We are supposed to live life to the full today.

It has been so difficult navigating new health challenges without Janet here with me, without her daily encouragement. Without hearing and saying "I love you," throughout the day, every day.

This past year has been a daily struggle, fortunately I have God in my life, my family, my church family and my friends. I cannot imagine how it would be if I had none of those. I am not alone, other people I know lost spouses this past year, some like me knowing that day was approaching, but for others it came suddenly with no warning and no time to prepare, although truly there is no preparing.

Janet, I love you and I know you love me and better Jesus loves both of us immeasurably more than we know how to love. It is great comfort to know that Jesus lives, and that you, while absent from here, live and someday we will meet again on that farther shore. After salvation, you are the greatest gift I ever received and the greatest blessing. My life was and is enriched in uncountable ways for you being part of it. Even things as simple as all the things I eat, that I never considered trying before I met you.

I just found this today in the news feed from this link posted by a friend who lost her husband to a highway accident this past year. REFUGE IN GRIEF

Watch the video then go read John 11:1-44.

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